We have to take risks, enter the scary unknown, and stretch ourselves emotionally and spiritually in ways we've never done before. It can feel very uncomfortable at first. But the rewards are worth it. Own the fact that you are the one bringing the wrong people into your life. Mystery solved. Here's the thing: Everyone who has come into your life has not only come into your life for a reason but because you attracted him or her to you. No one willingly attracts the cheater, the abuser, or the emotionally unavailable person, but we're hard-wired on a deep level to attract what we think we deserve and what we know, what we're used to.
Once you truly believe you are worthy of the love you deserve , you will attract a partner who truly deserves you. Good partners are attracted to women who are confident and have healthy boundaries.
Bad partners are attracted to women who are broken inside because they can manipulate and take advantage of them. Fix what is broken, become more self-assured, and love yourself, and that positive energy will attract a more positive person. This is what we call the " law of attraction. Until you change the underlying core belief that you don't deserve the best of the best, you'll keep dating guys that disappoint.
One way to get there is to take a break from dating to work on you. Build your self-esteem through positive daily affirmations i. One breathing technique to try is the breath of arousal used in Tantra.
It activates your third chakra , which is the chakra that gives you a sense of power, self-esteem, and the willpower to say no to unhealthy things.
To do the breath of arousal , sit up tall, place your hands on your navel, and stick your tongue out. Pant like a dog in and out of your mouth, pumping your stomach muscles back and forth in time with your breathing. With every exhale pull your bellybutton to the back of your spine to empty your belly of air.
With every inhale, allow your belly button to expand and let your stomach fill up like a balloon. Do this as rapidly as you can. It might even feel like hyperventilating, but it increases your metabolism and builds your inner fire.
Try to do this for seconds to one minute and see how energized, relaxed, and refreshed you feel, and notice the sense of grounding and confidence emanating from your core. But a common bind for many is that they are only attracted to unavailable partners. Their radar hones in on those who are destined to leave them in the end.
They are caught up in cycles of abandonment. If this describes your love life, it may be that while you believe you are looking for a relationship, you are in fact seeking infatuation.
When someone comes along who wants to be with you, he or she is too easy-to-get to arouse that "required level of insecurity. What is this chase all about? Many people are afraid of commitment -- they fear both abandonment and engulfment. Engulfment is when someone starts to want you back and the walls close in on you. You become overwhelmed by their expectations and fear you'll have to abandon yourself completely!
So to stay out of either thicket - abandonment or engulfment - you pursue unavailable partners as a way of avoiding the risk being either devastated by abandonment or strangulated by engulfment. Another cause lies buried in your early relationship with your parents.
Maybe you felt rejected or dismissed, or struggled to win their approval or recognition. Now as an adult you're easily "hooked" when someone pushes these old insecurity buttons. Another cause is low self-esteem : You wouldn't want anyone who would want you. You can only value them if you are in the one-down position, which makes you more easily dismissed by them, hence abandoned again.
You like the mystery. As much as you like the chase, you like the mystery too. Mystery adds a spark to the relationship but, in this case, you cannot fool yourself into thinking that the spark will stay alive until the end.
You settle for less. At last, the only other reason why you feel attracted to emotionally unavailable men is that you settle for less. You accept the love you think you deserve and this is where you might go wrong. When someone who is emotionally unavailable gives you attention, you instantly feel an attraction because somewhere deep down you resonate with them. It gets easier for you to express yourself and before you know it, you are in a trap.
The first few months of a courtship, a man is so attentive, caring, passionate. Who he or she was previously with reveals volumes about their capacity for intimacy now. This person would never be that way with me. Being able to admit that or trying to understand the reasons for making such a terrible choice is a positive sign. Playing the victim is not. Also, it helps to understand that unavailable people rarely choose to be this way.
Research has shown that many are afraid of being clung to or smothered which stems from having had a controlling, engulfing, or abusive parent. Commitment-phobic men, in particular, may just prefer sex without love. Rather, they see themselves as macho dudes who think women always need more than they can give.
Thus, they prefer to play in shallow water, not go deep.
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